heys.. life's been the usual. 

between me & him, we are settle. but all i can say is that, no matter wad, things will never be the same again due to wad happen. seriously, if i could turn back time, i would want to try and prevent wad had happen from happening so that we wont end up like this. eventho we r both on good speaking terms ryt nw, the situation is not the same as it used to be anymore. where did things go wrong? haish i seriously wonder. he changed. he claims he changed becoz of me. haish, i was upset when i hear that. like i didnt even change anything even after wad he did to me. except that my trust towards him is gone. just like tat. i tink i love him too much thats y its hard for me to let go of him tat easily. no matter how hard i try to forget abt him its hard. it's like he is apart of my life already. for 2 years plus somemore! how long is tat? 

but to think back, its the same as friendship. like for example me n feeza. we've been frends for abt 4 years and it ended just like that. hmm.. and still life goes on. with or without her. ryt? so most probably it will be the same for me & zai too perhaps? maybe i just need more time away from him. to think properly. i don't myself to suffer. or him to suffer. sometimes i ask him if he loves me and he says yes. but its hard for me to believe after all of the things he said to me. its just to painful to forget. u get wad i mean? to forgive yes. but to forget. its hard. unless i fall into a coma then it's a different story. even if i fall into a coma, i wonder if he will be there for me. hmm...

there are still some things that im upset abt that still havent yet been settle. but it seems he doesnt wanna settle it. i just hate it when he revenge on me. it just sucks man! totally!! urggggggh!